I have met so many awesome, loving brothers and sisters in the Lord along the way so to all of you that I have been so enriched by along the way, thank you and bless you – you have truly blessed me.
So who am I really?
I am first and foremost a child of the Most High God bought with a price – an incredible price. I will be married for 26 years this May and we have an 20yr old son and both my husband and son, are born again.
I have been a Christian for 34 years this year, but have only truly known what it is to fall in love with our dear Lord and Saviour over the past 10 years. I finally became alive to Him.
I knew there had to be more in this relationship with God than I had had up until that time. The problem was that I never knew anyone whose relationship with the Lord was really any different to mine. No one I knew had that special missing ingredient that I knew just had to be there. What was it? Where could I get it? I ended up saying to the Lord one day that if I could not have a real living relationship with Him, then I did not want to carry on in this life, as it held no true meaning.
In Psalm 81:10 it says “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt; open your mouth wide and I will fill it.” And so I took the Lord at His word and opened my mouth wide, but had no idea what it was, that would be required of me…
This yearning in me was the beginning of a few years of the most agonising searching out for God that I have ever done in my life. At times I felt I was being split right in two. I lost so much around me, I lost my business, I lost my church, I lost friends, and even almost lost my marriage and then finally was faced at one time with losing my life. Yet through all the tears and agony and at times immense misunderstanding and confusion of what the Lord was doing, I knew unequivocally that the presence of the Lord was there, His hand guiding and moving me where He needed me to be. He was my Sovereign Lord.
Then one day I was reading the life story of Oswald Chambers, Abandoned to God, and at one point in the story, the Lord made it very clear that it was this that was missing. I had been trying to do it. I had to let Him do it in me. The ‘I’ had to go, so that He could fill me. I could not hold onto any part of me that was not meant to be there. I had to have only one master and up to that point I had been that master. Now it was time for the only Master to take the reins of my life.
And so began the journey that I am still on, of learning about dying to self, picking up my cross and following Him daily in my regular ordinary everyday life and it is a journey that I now know, will be lifelong and one that will carry both sorrow and joy.
How can I explain practically what God has really done in my life when so much is done in my heart away from view, in the secret places? To most they might appear insignificant. To me they have been and still are, life-changing. The Lord has taken away many of the things that used to fill my head up, certain associations and friends, hobbies and some things I used to read or watch on TV or at the movies, have all been removed and replaced with Him and things of Him. None of it has been really difficult, just occasionally when my will conflicts with His and I have ‘cloth ears’. The Lord is just so incredibly kind and loving and patient, is He not? 😀
In Col 3:1-4 it says so clearly and it has happened in my own life that, 1 If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. 2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.
To say that God is everything, is one thing, to live God is everything, is quite another. For any of us to come to a place where we let go of our agenda for our life and let God bring in His without any reservation, to be used as a vessel only for His glory should be the heart cry of our whole being. That too, is a lifelong endeavour.
My sin is forgiven through the Cross of Jesus Christ and that alone. My relationship with the LORD is only made whole by the Cross of Jesus Christ and His Atonement and nothing more. No added extras. The cry of every Christian ought to be: “I must become nothing that He might become All.”
Finally, in the words of Paul Washer – “He saved me. Isn’t that enough?”